PLASTIC ANIMAL HANDBOOK — EVAN NICHOLLS

[Alphabetical] Order:

             Defenestrated, back in the day, when we had rooms high enough and the windows open wide. When we had buildings. Now you don’t go high.

             Regarding this text, Plastic Animal Handbook operates in a line of relevance, not alphabetically. That is, read this all the way through while your Survival Partner / Mate / Bed Buddy stands guard outside the tent flap. This manual, albeit brief, is relevant to your survival. Read it carefully, in one sitting. When you are done, take your Survival Partner’s / Mate’s / Bed Buddy’s place outside. Now they read. You watch.
             Scrutinize the wilderness that’s gonna murder you someday.  

Plastic:

             The New Skin.

Gun(s):

             The Old Tool.

Animal(s):

             Once were, now aren’t, except in a Plastic way. That is, the Animals are all Plastic now. Linguistic. Dexterous. They shoot people               with Guns on the weekends. They want your scalp.

             Depending on where you are in the world, you may encounter certain Plastic Animals. In Africa, the Plastic Hippopotamuses, Honey              Badgers. Europe and Asia, the Plastic Persian Leopards, Arabian Horses, Eurasian Wolves. Based on this book’s publishing             distribution, you are probably in the Americas, and probably North America. Which means Plastic Giant Otters, Anteaters, Jaguars                  (South America) or Plastic Pumas, Grizzlies, Big-Horned Sheep (North America). All Plastics mentioned above are ruling species on               their respective continents. They want to wear your skin.

             On the basis of North America being your locale, Plastic Animal Handbook covers North American species in further detail:

                          Sub: Grizzly Bear

                                       Running zig-zags does NOT work (tested). What you need is a Gun; gross recoil, big pay-off. Multiple slugs are          
                                       needed to put a Plastic Bear into the ground. The body won’t decompose, only melt at a later date under the always-
                                       winter sun.

                          Sub: Big-Horned Sheep

                                       They are bad shots on account of the hooves. Will charge.

                          Sub: Puma

                                       Faster than most. Also, teeth. Inescapable.

                          Sub: The Rest

                                       Avoid.

Man Hunt(s):

             The Danger. Was ‘okay’ when we did it. Now the reason for one eye open, and also only one eye.

The New Earth Diet:

             Us. Some Plastic Animals were not previously meat-eaters but now participate in Man Hunts. Also, after being plasticized, some no
             longer prescribe to their Old Earth diets. Plastic Anteaters have been seen gorging on fresh, dark-blooded Survival Partner / Mate /
             Bed Buddy carcasses. Plastic Wolves have been witnessed grazing polyethylene scrub.

The Unknown:

             What We(e) Humans Don’t Know. Also, what was in our food, factories. Also, maybe, How The Animals Got Plastic. History.
             Somebody gave them Guns, language, made them a durable, cold material. Said revenge. (See Coldness).

Coldness:

             What Plastic Animals feel. What separates us from them. Like the end of a Gun’s black barrel. (See The
             End).

The End:

             Comes at you low. Like in the bush. Like you deserved it, but never saw it coming. Inevitable. Destroys
             what you Love (see Love).

Love:

             What is left over. What is standing outside the tent flap, for the short time it has. Absolutely vital.

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Evan Nicholls has work appearing in Passages North, Maudlin House, THRUSH, Pithead Chapel and Whurk among others. He is from Fauquier County, Virginia. Follow him on Twitter @nicholls_evan.